


A big problem

by Satine86



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Magical Shenanigans, Swearing, Tumblr Prompt, and Silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-23 22:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16627682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satine86/pseuds/Satine86
Summary: Caleb wasn’t entirely sure what had even happened. Just that it had. The only pertinent information regarding the whole mess was that he couldn’t seem to fix it.





	A big problem

**Author's Note:**

> This was part of a giveaway I did on tumblr. The request was for "Caleb, Beau, and Nott + Enlarge/Reduce shenanigans."
> 
> Mild spoilers up to ep32, I guess?

“Uh, Caleb?” Beau said through clenched teeth, nostrils flared. 

“Ja?” he replied weakly. 

“I don’t--” She stopped, sucked in a deep breath and shut her eyes. “I don’t do what you do. The whole magic thing. So I don’t really want to tell you how it should go. _But_.” Her eyes popped open and she slowly swiveled her head towards him, eyes narrowing into a venomous glare. “Maybe next time you should look where you’re casting the damn thing?” 

“You are not wrong.” He lifted his shoulders. Really, it wasn’t bad advice. It just didn’t do them any good in this particular moment. The pair of them standing alone, stock still in a clearing, with an enlarged Professor Thaddeus eyeing them closely. It was supposed to be practice for Beau, just a little time to get used to the magic and mechanics of her large form. Simple. Easy. 

Then things had gone awry. 

Caleb wasn’t entirely sure what had even happened. Just that it had. The only pertinent information regarding the whole mess was that he couldn’t seem to fix it. He had made several attempts to undo the spell; first trying to drop his intention behind it, then trying to counterspell it. Nothing had worked. Which meant they now had a very large, very surly, and very unpredictable owl to deal with.

“What if he takes off? I’m gonna just… get him to stay?” Beau said, nodding to herself like it was a good idea. Caleb wasn’t quite of the same mind. She took a bold step forward. “Thaddeus, stay. Stay.” She spoke with an air of command, pointing at the ground. 

Thaddeus spread his wings in response, which seemed to span over half the clearing they were in. His head twisted to one side until he could look at her directly with one giant, beady eye. He opened his beak. 

“Oh, fuck!” Beau backtracked, arms flailing slightly as she stumbled to a halt next to Caleb.

“I don’t think he likes being told what to do, Beauregard.” Truly, he was an exceptional match for his owner. 

“You know what, Caleb? You don’t get to have opinions right now,” she hissed. “You can have opinions again when my owl is normal sized!” 

“Fair enough.” 

“Can you do the thingy?” She made a few gestures with her hand in front of her face. “Call Caduceus? He speaks bird, right? Animal. Owl. He speaks owl.”

“Ja.” Although at the moment Caleb was a little hesitant to cast any magic, lest that end up going as poorly as the whole Thaddeus situation had. He thought of Caduceus, back at their camp on the outskirts of the forest, and relayed a brief message, asking if he would come help them. 

Caleb waited a moment. No response. 

Another moment.

“.... huh,” was the final reply. 

“Well?” Beau prompted. “What did he say?”

“I don’t think he’s coming?” Caleb frowned. 

Next to him Beau grimaced and swore under her breath. He couldn’t quite hear what she was say, but he was certain it was very creative. After a bit more muttering, she took in a breath to calm herself. 

“I just don’t want him taking off. Who knows trouble he could cause at this size. I’m okay with him bringing me dead mice, you know? I’m not okay with him bringing me a dead kid!” she yelled, voice booming around the clearing. 

At her outburst Thaddeus spread his wings again, beak opening just enough to let out a small cry. Or least it would have been small before. At his current size it was rather a terrifying screech. They both hunched their shoulders, moving away from him. Caleb just hoped it didn’t make them appear like prey. 

“We could--” his next words were lost in the ensuing chaos as a scream rent the air, drowning out everything else. 

High and shrill and distinctly goblin, it was quickly followed by the equally loud shouts of, “WHAT IS IT? KILL IT! KILL IT!” Nott had stumbled into the clearing, and the moment she saw Thaddeus she dropped her flask and drew her crossbow to take aim, swaying slightly as she did so. 

“NOTT!” Beau roared, already darting forward. “DO NOT SHOOT MY OWL!” 

An errant crossbow bolt whizzed through the air. It missed Thaddeus by a wide margin, arcing off to one side and nearly sinking into Caleb’s shoulder. He ducked out the way, watched as Beau wrestled the crossbow from Nott and held it over the goblin’s head.

“You’ll break it!” Nott cried, trying to hop up and grab it.

Beau placed her hand on Nott’s forehead, pinning her in place. “Don’t shoot my owl!” 

Thaddeus took that moment to let out another piercing cry. They covered their ears against the sound, Nott’s crossbow clattering to the ground as Beau dropped it. Another bolt was let loose, thankfully sinking into a nearby tree rather than any of them. 

Thaddeus beat his enormous wings, kicking up dirt and leaves and debris into a mini cyclone. Then he was lifting into the air, toward the break in the treetops and the blue sky beyond. 

“Shit, fuck, balls! No!” Beau cried. “THADDEUS STAY!” She glanced over her shoulder. “Nott do you have the jerky? Anything meat!” 

“I don’t know!!” Nott screeched back, searching her pockets. “Jerky!” she cried triumphantly, holding it up. 

That certainly got Thaddeus’ attention, hovering a few feet above the ground. He quickly darted forward, talons hooking around Nott and lifting her up into the air with him. 

Nott screamed, frantically kicking her legs and patting her pockets. “I’m gonna stab it!” she shrieked. 

“Thaddeus DROP HER!” Beau ordered. “Drop her. Drop. The. Goblin!” 

As all of this was happening, Caleb had watched in varying states of horror and confusion. Although once Nott was aloft, he once again tried to undo his spell. He cast it again, hoping to reduce the owl’s size. 

It worked. 

Thaddeus shrunk, not only to his normal size, but a respectable half of that. He and Nott tumbled to the ground. Nott tucking herself into a ball and rolling, while Thaddeus flapped his wings against the dirt until he righted himself.

Caleb sighed in relief, the crisis averted. “Nott, are you okay?” he asked. 

“I think so.” She swayed as she sat on the ground, one hand on her head. Her gaze slid towards Thaddeus, still small, and still perched on the ground. 

There was a long, awkward pause. Beau took a step forward, hand raised. Before she could act, or say a word, Nott was diving toward the tiny owl and gripped him in her hands. Thaddeus beat his wings to escape, but her hold remained tight.

“Nott, what are you going to do?” 

“It tried to eat me so I’m going to eat it back!” Then she was bolting into the woods with Beau hot on her trail.

“DO NOT EAT MY OWL!!” 

Looking around the suddenly empty clearing, the only sounds being the gentle rustle of leaves and the distant shouts of Beauregard and Nott, Caleb shrugged to himself. 

It seemed everything was back to normal.


End file.
